Wesleyan Student Assembly

Satire/Humor

Executive Committee Meeting Rescheduled to Accomodate Beirut Tournament

cycleUndisclosed sources are reporting that the Executive Committee (EC) meeting is being rescheduled this week to accomodate a beirut tournament. Witnesses confirm that today in Pi Café, Charlie Kurose ’10, Treasurer, approached Mike Pernick ’10, President, and asked if he could reschedule the meeting because of a recreational conflict. Pernick allegedly replied, “Of course, of course. Anything you want. You can always have your way.” Later in the day, roving beat-reporter Phil Ross ’12 accosted Pernick on the sidewalk outside of Olin Memorial Library to confirm the rumours. Pernick is said to have replied, “Charlie carries a lot of clout, to be honest. When he asks for something, he gets it. In that sense, he’s effectively the one who’s running the WSA.”

This is the second time this semester that the EC meeting has been rescheduled to accomodate a beirut tournament. Earlier in the semester, the meeting was moved from Thursday evening to Wednesday evening because of the Psi U Gentlemen’s Beirut Tournament. Becky Weiss ’10, Vice President, said of the matter, “Charlie is a pretty amazing beirut player, so we do everything that we can to maximize his playing time during the season. It would be a shame to see such a champion sidelined for bureaucratic reasons.”

This sudden rescheduling comes in the middle of a heated WSA Presidential campaign. When asked if it would affect the race, Ben Firke ’12, the current FiFaC Chair who is also running for the Vice Presidency next year, stated passively, “I’m campaigning, so I’m not going to comment on that. Now go away.” He then added, “But I will say that Charlie is def gonna win that tournament,” and then nervously shuffled away. Sylvie Stein ’12, another EC member, was more willing to speak about the rescheduling. This morning she released a statement saying, “ECgetsrescheduledallthetimeIcan’tbelieveit! I’malwaystryingtofitschoolworkandcardiokickboxingandallthisotherstuffintomyscheduledandthenCharliegoesaheadandscrewseverythingup.  WhateverIguessthough.”

Please direct all comments and thoughts on this issue directly to the WSA’s email address (wsa@wesleyan.edu).

  • Mike Pernick ’10, President

    Charlie, sorry to break it to you, but EC ain’t being rescheduled.

  • Adam Fishman '12, SBC

    Charlie Kurose is a god. Phillip Ross is a godly beat reporter. I am just a sad little girl :(